I sort of abandoned this blog after our IVF cycle. I didn't mean to, I just found that it was easier to post updates over on Instagram rather than writing out full posts here.
A lot happened after that last blog post. My grandfather passed away and that pretty much devastated me. He had been ill for awhile, but losing someone that was like a second father to you was hard. Really hard. I think however, he had something to do with what happened just a month later - a successful IVF cycle.
We started the cycle in January and had a retrieval on Valentine's Day (February 14). A quick stats update: We retrieved 18 (!) eggs. We did ICSI on 8 of them and traditional IVF on the other 10. The ICSI resulted in 100% fertilization. The traditional resulted in 60% fertilization. We did a 5 day transfer on February 19 and transferred two embryos. We had 5 that made it to freeze and are all cozy and tucked away for future frozen embryo transfers.
In early March we received the best news ever: I was pregnant. Beta #1 was 597. Beta #2 was 4,220 (34 hour doubling time). When we went in for an ultrasound at 5 weeks, we discovered that both embryos took. We were over the moon to be pregnant with TWINS! The next few weeks were incredible. We told our parents and siblings, as they had been so supportive to us throughout the entire process. We hung the ultrasound of our babies proudly on our fridge and gushed over it multiple times a day. We talked about a future with two babies and all of the things we'd need to do to prepare. We even went and test drove a minivan!
Our happiness quickly took another turn however, as we went in for an ultrasound at 7 weeks. Baby A was thriving, but our precious Baby B was no longer with us. We experienced what is called vanishing twin syndrome. For unknown reasons, one of our babies stopped growing and was no longer in the sac. There were a lot of tears and sadness as we mourned Baby B. We were so happy that Baby A was healthy, but losing her sibling was devastating. You can't imagine it until it happens to you, but you fall in love with those babies so quickly. We did the same with our baby that we lost the previous summer. You grow this instant love and affection for someone you haven't even met yet, but are so close to as they grow inside you. You do everything you can to keep those babies safe and when something happens to them, it's absolutely heartbreaking and brings emotions that I just don't have the words to explain. We now have two babies in heaven - Baby B and our first Baby. We'll love them forever and not a day goes by that I don't think about what life would be like if they made it earth side with us.
After losing Baby B, it took me quite awhile to enjoy being pregnant again. I was scared out of my mind that something was going to happen to Baby A. Out of both embryos, Baby A was the weaker looking of the two. She was measuring a little behind at the beginning and it made me feel like I was in a constant state of concern for her. It was hard to get over. We had a couple of scares during the pregnancy, too. Twice I had sudden gushes of tons of bright red blood. They happened in the first and second trimesters and were absolutely terrifying. There was so much fear and so many tears as we waited to get into the doctor's after each bleed. Both times the baby was just fine. Her little heartbeat was beating away perfectly and she looked great on the ultrasound. We never found out what caused the bleeds, but each doctor that reviewed our case thought it could have been Baby B's sac - or a blood clot behind the sac. (Yes, Baby B's sac stayed with me the entire pregnancy. Every single ultrasound I went for, we saw that sac and were reminded of our sweet little one that we'd never have a chance to meet, nor would his/her sister.)
Once we made it over the hurdle of 24 weeks (viability!), I started to feel much more comfortable announcing our pregnancy to those outside of our close friends and family. I felt more confident that we were going to have a little one in our arms soon. With each person I told, I also told them about Baby B. I didn't want that little one to be forgotten - he/she is an important part of our lives, too.
In my next post I'll share the birth story of Baby A and some complications that came along in the third trimester. (And I promise I won't abandon the blog again before I share it! Stay tuned.)
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